I do find it humbling, frustrating even.
The year is coming to an end and you are supposed to find some time to step back and look over all that you had accomplished or in my case... what I didn't.
With that little Blue Bird of Happiness sitting on your shoulder it's easy in January, to think ahead at all that you are setting out to achieve over the next 12 months.
Then come December, with the Vulture of Desperation crapping in your lap, that inescapable thought hits you. "WTF! Where did the time go?".
Then you realise that it would appear you have fallen far short of the mark.
I had resolved to be a better person (Resolution One). Okay ... better is a relative term, so by stretching the imagination and the bounds of logic some, I guess I can safely put a tick beside that one.
I am better because ... I drink less coffee... I drink more green tea (that's healthy). I haven't killed anyone in quite a long while (even though I've discovered a great place to dump some bodies) and I adopted two new cats giving them the gift of life at the expense of some sanity.
Smoke less (Resolution Two). Okay I don't but I keep smokin' with a person who says "I smoke in moderation" all the time complete with the head shake of her head and the nose in the air. So since I don't smoke all that much more than this nameless Penguin ... I guess that qualifies as half a tick for sheer effort.
Exercise more (Resolution Three). I did go jogging three times this year... each for about 15 minutes then the pseudo chest pains set in, the world started spinning , my legs feel like boneless chicken wings and people were giving me strange looks ... so it wasn't really all my fault cos the spirit was willing - the legs just had other plans.
And after an absence of many years, I returned to the pool this year and did five laps in under an hour (with a short smoke break in between). Yup - Resolution Three - another half a tick.
Get back to doing some serious writing (Resolution Four). I suppose this blog counts. Okay this isn't mainstream journalism where the stuff I used to write which was read by hundreds if not thousands of people (or so we liked to believe). Well this is back to basics but at least it is a start at writing if for no one else then just for myself and the poor sods who happen to read this.
In my blog, I do talk about serious things, things that matter (to me at least) ... well sort of ... you can't take life too seriously anyways. Besides it has some cool comic strips (all shamelessly stolen from the Internet) so that's a new addition to the writing. Yup another half tick.
Get a real job (Resolution Five). Okay I've left the "social services" sector. Was just too disillusioned at how bad it was and how little real help was offered to those who needed it most by sheer incompetence despite the huge sums of money donors had invested.
So I now have a "real job" in corporate communications. Am not too thrilled with it but ... well there may be something in the wings (which comes with a better money but a whole different load of shit ... but that's another story) .
So maybe, all things considered, I haven't done all that badly in 2008.
In the final analysis, achievement is all a matter of perspective. I guess if you are happy with life, with what you have done or not done, if you strive to accept that which you cannot change, if you can see people for whom they are and not what you would like them to be (So what if they pronounce water as wader), and you like the disheveled man in the mirror staring back at you in the mirror each morning, you can't really be all that far off the mark!