How many roads must a Man walk down before he admits he’s Lost?

I do find it humbling, frustrating even.

The year is coming to an end and you are supposed to find some time to step back and look over all that you had accomplished or in my case... what I didn't.

With that little Blue Bird of Happiness sitting on your shoulder it's easy in January, to think ahead at all that you are setting out to achieve over the next 12 months.

Then come December, with the Vulture of Desperation crapping in your lap, that inescapable thought hits you. "WTF! Where did the time go?".

Then you realise that it would appear you have fallen far short of the mark.

The Anatomy of Nothingness

Why is it that on those rare occasions, having nothing to do in the office is almost always accompanied by an inescapable sense of guilt?

Shit I work as hard as everyone else – in fact – heck a lot more than quite a few others in the office. I come in early unlike most people. I work thru’ lunch on many a day and when it calls for it – I take work home at night and over weekends.

Then every now and then you catch a bone and realize that WTF – I’m all done. There is really nothing else to tend to in my In Box, my emails are all cleared filed or deleted, My desk – well it’s as clean as it is ever gonna get. So that’s it.

You check the time – Fuck! – it’s 2.20pm.

 

Okay the boss is not around today. Shit – boss is on leave and I’m supposed to be in charge … Now I get to look dictatorial. Cool! Hang on he's a director so I guess I have to look directorial. Bleeaah! I rather look dictatorial. I already have a hairstyle reminiscent of Hitler on a bad hair day. Okay okay will settle to look directorial... Hmmm does that mean I can leave early? Damn why is there never a meeting in sight when you need one?

Time 2.35pm … I’ve already looked thru' just about very website I could think of. Trying to look busy for more than 10 minutes is really hard work.

Damn now it’s starting to drizzle … typical Christmas weather! Wish I were in bed sleeping … Who you trying to kid? If I were in bed.. I wouldn’t be sleeping … Nah the TV would be on to the History Channel on the development of rockets or some documentary on evolution. Well that’s still better than sitting here.

Ah good someone’s come to ask me something …. Okay look busy and irritated with the interruption … Shit all he wanted was a yes. That’s not even a four-letter word.

Discreet check on the watch – damn damn – 2.47… this day is never going to end …

Wish I had a proper office rather than a cubicle. You can cocoon yourself with a door. In an open office – that’s kinda hard to do.

Read a Gary Larson comic strip about cows ruling the earth … stop smiling .. you are supposed to be busy.

Ahh a peal of thunder … wonder which idiot thought of that – peal of thunder – quite a mismatch – peal sounding so flower-like and thunder – the male phlegm-induced voice of God … now I’m getting philosophical. Shit … automatic spell correction … takes all the guesswork out of life and my ever dubious spelling.

Type, type, type … half a page done. Am I good or what … I look busy. My forced frowning is starting to hurt. Stop smiling … you are supposed to be pissed, maybe I should hit the keys harder. Maybe I should type using all 10 fingers … Nah let’s not kill yourself.

Take a walk … walk fast and look busy muttering to yourself .. that always clears people out of my path.

Head to the toilet … that’s always a good place to go when you are trying to look pissed. And you can actually do it there... piss I mean. Speaking of piss, it reminds me of a quote I read like five minutes ago while doing "research". It went like this: "Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it but only you gets that warm feeling it brings" ... wow cosmic!

Okay back to my desk. Time check – 3.50pm

Hmmm making progress. Let’s see – quitting time is 6.30pm to that means … wait .. grab calculator .. that’s 160 minutes or .. wait … or 9,600 seconds … I can hold my breath for about a minute before I turn blue .. that’s 60 seconds killed for all time so it will be … wait 9,540 seconds left ….

Damn this is a long day ….

Remembering Pearl

It was a Sunday morning too back then on December 7 1941 when the world was turned on it's head with the preemptive attack by the Japanese on the US Pacific Fleet at Pearl Harbour heralding the official start of World War II.

*The attack sank four U.S. Navy battleships (two of which were raised and returned to service late in the war) and damaged four more. The Japanese also sank or damaged three cruisers, three destroyers, and one minelayer, destroyed 188 aircraft, and caused personnel losses of 2,402 killed and 1,282 wounded. (*Source: Wikipedia)

Since then, the world has seen a number of Pearl Harbours. September 11 in the US, July 7 in the UK and most recently the attacks in Mumbai, India.

Irrepressible Irene!

I attended a talk today by none other than Irene Ang better known as Rosie from Phua Chu Kang fame.

Her's was to be motivational talk held at the grand National Museum of Singapore - part of the National Heritage's Board current campaign Explore Singapore.

"Motivational talk by Irene Ang? You gotta be kiddin' right?" - yup that was my reaction too. For someone who's TV persona was so frivolous, finding substance behind the character was to take a significant leap of faith. But I'm glad I did.

Yes there was the expected Singlish jokes and the ever-present dash of in-your-face humour. But that aside, her story was still moving.

With unbridled honesty, she related the struggle of her youth. Her father was a smuggler of just about everything. Family tension drove her mother to drugs. She found herself homeless three times. She failed her O levels, and her A levels (twice) and when her little band of friends moved on to further their studies, she found herself alone once again.

(bet ya didn't know that!). So all she ended up with was a cut on her head when she hit a rock in her plunge to meet her fate.

But she picked herself up. Ended up acting (earning just about $900 a month as the lead actress on PCK) and later on when to start her own talent agency Fly Entertainment 'cos she realised that many local entertainers in Singapore were getting a raw deal simply because they had no one to fight for them. And Irene hasn't looked back since.

I can't honestly recall all her Seven Steps to Success (or whatever she called it) but it went something like have faith in yourself, realise that the storm of ill luck will pass and when all else fails, put your trust in the God you believe in knowing that you had done everything humanly possible to help yourself.

Okay these weren't exactly earth-shattering revelations but I do have a lot of admiration for her as a person and in her disarming honestly in telling the world of her ... well "colourful" past. So hearing from someone who's fate dealt her a raw hand and yet was able to claw her way back up, adds to the credibility and her talk about self-belief, is a reminder we can all do with from time to time.

So was the hour-long talk worth it? - you bet!